Weekend Match Guide: Goodnight, Michael Owen edition

The matches to watch after you realize Michael Owen gets to return to what he does most — getting operated on and not playing football. But he’s totally not injury-prone, you guys!

Saturday

Fulham v Tottenham at Craven Cottage (FA Cup quarterfinals) — Both sides are littered with injuries. Should Fulham win, they’re going to need to hit up Mapquest because the trip to the semifinals would mean their first Wembley visit since 1975.

Real Madrid v Sevilla at the Santiago Bernabeu — Sevilla sporting director Ramon “Monchi” Rodriguez is on to Real’s strategy to unsettle oponents by claiming interest in their top players. Now Florentino Perez has to hit him with a giant bag of money until he forgets.

Roma v AC Milan at Stadio Olimpico — Well, Davey Becks is getting the start so you know Milan mean business. Speaking of Davey, the rumor is that he’s buying George Clooney’s lake Como home for €30 million. But the MLS still claims he’ll return to America.

Cologne v Bayern Munich at RheinEnergieStadion — OK, league-leading Bayern should roll past 14th place Cologne, but any time you have Lukas Podolski playing against his former team, there’s the chance of seeing his cheeky facepaint intro. And that’s entertainment enough.

After the jump, Sunday’s matches and our expectedly unexpected video…

Sunday

Chelsea v Stoke at Stamford Bridge (FA Cup quarterfinals) — Back in the 1974/75 season, Stoke nearly pulled off a trio of victories against Chelsea, but a late goalkeeper goof up ruined it for them. Hopefully that last part happens again. Come on, Chels!!

Bordeaux v Montpellier at the Chaban-Delmas — Ligue 1′s two top sides in a very important match, especially with Lyon lurking just two points behind them.